Control
by heartofstone
Summary: Willow loses control over everything, set (quite literally) before she goes on the world destroying rampage after Tara's death.


Author's note: This story is a little farfetched, but what sort of writer would I be if I wasn't original? For the interests of the readers there are implications of self mutilation, if that upsets or offends you I apologise but I would like to hear your opinions. Thank you for your time and feedback would be much appreciated.  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own or make any money from the use of these characters; a huge thanks to Joss for making such versatile characters.  
  
Summery: Set just after Tara's death before Willow begins her rampage to destroy the world. Willow's POV inspired by "Tourniquet" By Evanescence.  
  
I sit in the darkest corner of the basement all alone. She'd gone, left me, all alone, stuck in the dark with no one but my demons, but I still love her. She was supposed to care for me, she was supposed to always be there, she promised me. She lied to me, but I still love her.  
  
With her I felt immortal; we were each others life saver. I caught her when she fell, and she nursed me when I could not stand; I needed her, and she needed me. Together for always, that's what she told me, and every time I believed her.  
  
But she's gone, and it's all my fault, I let her go, I let her slip from my grasp. The anger, the pain I feel inside, I made it all, it's my creation and now it consumes me. The monster inside me has broken the chains and needs to be free. This creature needs to be let out before it eats me from the inside, the pain I feel fuels it's anger, the tears that fall make it climb from it's prison.  
  
Rising to my feet, I walk across the floor to the mirror on the wall. Looking back at me, a shell, an emotional liability. The person staring back is lost; she has no idea where to go, all the emotion and pain is building in her. A child, no longer in control; well it's time I took control. It's time I look out for myself, show them all that I'm in control, that I am not what they think I am.  
  
The fragments and shards plunge to my feet like the bitter snow in winter. I can feel the pain surge through my blood, eased slightly by the crimson tears of my wound. Grasping the glass, embracing the bladed edge, I need clarity; this emotion is clouding my vision. These tears in my eyes are blocking me, trying to blur my sight, trying to stop me.  
  
I tried to kill the pain, but only brought more, I'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal  
  
The pain and anger in me is released falling to the ground, pouring from my wounds, collecting in a pool of my emotions, red, dark, rich; in flavour and in colour. Just like I used to be, just how she liked me to be. Covering my face I kneel on the floor letting it all flow, my tears, my blood, my restraint.  
  
Before me, the pool begins to ripple, faster and faster; I've let her go, freed her, released her from the prison inside of me. She rises from the puddle perfect and pristine. Stood facing me she smiles as she runs her hand through my hair.  
  
"Shh, it's all ok,"  
  
Meeting her eye to eye, I can see her face; confident, beautiful. Her hair as black as the shadows in the room, her eyes pierce mine, telling me who she is. I let her out, released her before she could consume me. And here she is.  
  
"You kept me, chained me, you held me imprisoned behind your emotions, your thoughts. You never let me out. You fuelled me and fed me, but never let me out. Now it comes to this, you, and me. On your own what are you? A worthless wreck, you let her go, you held on to me and let her go."  
  
That's not true! I loved her, I still love her, I did all I could to save her.  
  
"You let her go, you held her body and you let her go. It was your fault, it was because of you. It's because of you I'm here; it's because of you that this world that you know that you knew is going to end. This Willow, is all your fault, I'm going to end it and it's you fault."  
  
NO! NO! It's not, I tried, Tara can't you hear me? I tried baby I tried so hard to keep you here.  
  
"But why? Why did you? For her? No, you needed her, you wanted her. It's your selfishness that has cost her and you the world that you both cherished. You have a choice Willow, you can stay here and feel like I did or you can join me, embrace what you have created."  
  
NO! NO, I cannot let you do this, I made you, you have to listen to me, you can't do this to me!!  
  
"Why not? You kept me held down, chained within you. I think it's time to realise what you have done..."  
  
Beside me roots from the ground broke through the basement floor, grabbing me, pulling me, holding me down. Restrained, held, imprisoned by her. Forced to the ground, she walks towards me.  
  
"You had the choice Willow, and now it's time to find out what it's like, to be kept away, chained, held behind all that you have created. It's time to show the world what the world has done to us."  
  
She held my head against her with her hands. Slowly I felt it, being absorbed into her body. I let her go, I freed her. My emotions and my fears, I let it out, and it still consumed me. There is nothing left, kept away, Willow is no more, only her creation.  
  
My God, my tourniquet, Return to me Salvation  
  
Let me know what you think, drop me an email at vezgregoryhotmail.com 


End file.
